On grieving the little self

To Spirit:

Spirit,

I am noticing what seems to be a grief process that I am moving through. I notice myself moving between emotions of anger, sadness, and acceptance, and it all seems connected to the acknowledgement that the world and separateness can really never offer anything of value. It seems that grief feelings would have to belong to the ego. It feels then like the little self is grieving it self. Does that make sense? I know that ultimately it does not matter as ultimately grief is not real, but I am curious if there is anything helpful for me to understand here. I trust your guidance and interpretation. I am willing to see this as you would have me see it.

Spirit, please help me.

From Spirit:

Decision Maker,

You are noticing emotions that result from false beliefs and that are outside of peace, and so you are correct in assuming those emotions belong to the little self. The little ego self feels a range of emotions, including emotions known to be part of grief. It is unlikely the little self will grieve it self, as it is reluctant to admit defeat. However, you may notice evidence of the little self grieving your choosing it, as you are learning to do so less and less.

You’ll notice that the little self spends more time in anger and sadness than it does in acceptance. It is aware you are not as tempted by it anymore, and part of what you experience could be recognized as the death throes of the ego, trying wildly to get your attention once again. You’ve noted that the anger and sadness seem connected to a knowing that the world of separateness can never make you truly happy. This angers and saddens the little self, whose entire seeming existence depends on you believing there is something to be desired in the world it thought it created.

The moments of acceptance could be best understood to be moments where you have turned away from the ego’s interpretation completely. The moments of acceptance are fleeting due to the unconscious guilt that does still seem to exist in the split mind. You can only choose acceptance for so long before you get sucked back into hearing from the ego again due to the guilt coming to the surface. And then you note that you seem to have a fresh layer of anger and sadness with which to practice again. This is your practice for now. You practice with each layer as it comes up, until there is no more unconscious guilt left to pull you away from your acceptance of the truth.

It can still be helpful to be kind to your self as you seem to go through this process. There is no self and there is no process, but continue to allow Love to come into your awareness regardless.