On debilitating pain

To Spirit:

Spirit,

Please help me. I feel lost when it comes to debilitating pain. I see the insanity of my mind in these moments, as I begin to question why this is happening. It is hard to remember I am doing it to myself. I sense the temptation to believe God is doing it to me, and the temptation to plead with God and ask “why?” is present, even as part of me does remember the truth. I am willing to remember that the pain is not for the reason I think. I am willing to do or say anything that is truly helpful. Please help me to forgive myself and the guilt that is at the root of the pain.

Spirit, please help me.

From Spirit:

Dear one,

Your experience of debilitating pain is coming from the unconscious guilt of thinking you destroyed God and Heaven. Part of you believes you can run and hide from this guilt, but you see that it makes its way into your experience in some form or another. Being that you tried to deny it and run from it, you are then tempted to not recognize it for its true content and instead focus on the form and what can be done about that.

This is where you can help yourself. Remember your practice, and remember this disturbance is no different than the rest. It seems worse due to its debilitating nature. Do not deny that this seems to be so. But practice returning your mind to me even in the face of this challenging form.

This morning as you experienced the pain you caught yourself being tempted to believe you were being punished. You remembered your practice and asked for help remembering that any disturbance results only from your choice. You had to repeat this multiple times as your mind kept slipping back, and the pain episode seemed to not change as a result of your practice. Let me reassure you that you have done well. You can not measure the results of your practice, but I can reassure you that you have played your part.

Notice how this disturbance shows you the insanity in your own mind. You are not tempted to consciously blame God but in these debilitating moments. In this way the pain is something to be grateful for. How else would you see and believe what you have been told about your misunderstanding of God? This experience helps you bring the unconscious up to the conscious to be released. This is you bringing the darkness to the light.

Rest now, dear one. You have done well. There is no order of difficulty in miracles in truth, but this one does seem quite challenging to you in your current experience.

The ego loves hierarchy, and it must tempt you to believe in it in order to prolong its illusory existence. As you practice treating this lesson no different than the rest, you undo the hold this belief in hierarchy has on your mind.

Remember that God never wills you feel pain. The secret of salvation is this: that you are doing this to yourself. Be not confused that this means you must “fix it” yourself as well. God gave you me so I could help you. Let me help you.

When you remembered your practice in the midst of debilitating pain, on the edge of consciousness, you showed a willingness that allows me to help you undo this guilt. You have been helped in ways you can not yet notice. But trust that it has been done.

Rest now, sweet child of God. And remember that you are loved more than you currently understand.